最具英国特色的那些事

Akshat Sinha (अक्षत सिन्हा), lives in The United Kingdom (2001-present)

Another boring day at the pub…

Dim streetlights illuminate the long, winding London streets which are bustling with traffic. So spectacularly……..un-extraordinary.

You are sitting inside with the lads, drinking a couple of pints when suddenly you hear a loud crash.

Within seconds, the harrowing blue lights of police cars pervade the atmosphere with men charging and screaming, gesturing at you to come out.

In the midst of the muttering, you hear that there has been a terror attack. Every man for himself.

The sheer panic and fear on the faces of people swarming past you sends shivers down your spine, whilst the harsh yelling of policemen echoes from these homely pub walls - you must get out.

Step out, you catch a glimpse of the horrendous corpses strewn across the street as the smell of death permeates your nostrils…….

BUT REMEMBER:

在酒吧无聊的又一天…

昏暗的街灯照亮了漫长、蜿蜒、车水马龙的伦敦街道。

你坐在酒吧里,喝上几杯,突然听到一声震耳欲聋的轰隆声。

几秒钟内,警车的蓝色车灯蜂拥而至，警察大吼，指着你命令你出来。

喃喃自语之际,你听说发生了恐怖袭击。

三三两两擦肩而过的人们脸上带着恐慌和忧虑，让你脊背发凉,而警察严厉的叫喊声在这些普通的酒吧墙壁内回荡——你必须出去。

一走出去,你就看见可怕的尸体散落在街头，死亡的气味弥漫在鼻孔.......

YOU PAID SIX QUID FOR THAT T!

Yesterday night, (3 June 2017), there was another terrorist attack in London. There were two incidents in total, with one at London Bridge and another at the nearby Borough Market. In the midst of the chaos however, this guy took it upon himself to get his priorities right - JUST LOOK AT HIM! He’s even got his left hand out to balance him so he doesn’t drop any!

This is just one example of the most British thing ever:

Running away from death and destruction whilst cracking jokes and “banter”

From my experiences of living in Britain all my life, the British people are often quite gloomy and miserable, excellent complainers and whatnot, but it takes a lot to truly intimidate them. It’s this sense of British hardiness that helped them last through two world wars, and many wars before…

你可是为这品脱酒付了6英镑的!

昨天晚上,(2017年6月3日),伦敦再次发生恐怖袭击。总共发生了两起事件,一个在伦敦桥,另一个在附近的区市场。然而在混乱中,这家伙带上了对他来说最重要的东西——看看他!他甚至伸出了他的左手来平衡，这样才不会浪费一滴酒!

这是最英国的事情:

一边逃离死亡和毁灭，一边说点笑话、开开玩笑

从我在英国生活期间的个人感受,英国人通常非常悲观,非常擅长抱怨，老古董,但真要吓趴他们，也没那么容易。这种英国意志力帮助他们扛过了两次世界大战和之前的多场战争……

Luke Harrison, BSc Mathematics & Economics, University of Bristol (2020)

The most British thing ever is the always present affliction of a low level social anxety that seems to affect around 98% of the population.

Some people complain that in Britain we are so repressed that we can’t even have a conversation with a stranger on public transport. I would like to think this is the result of having a culture so evolved that it recognises interacting with strangers is almost always an awkward experience that should be avoided whenever necessary, rather than some sort of idiosyncratic social disease unique to the inhabitants of Great Britain - but I’m not sure. For example, here are a couple of posts from r/britishproblems/ on reddit that sum up the British experience:

25 minutes ago I told someone there was a queue when they tried to skip ahead. I'm still riding the adrenaline rush. During the sale in Zara as well, so it was some aggressive queueing going on.

and then also:

最英国的事情是，他们的社交焦虑程度很低，98%的人口似乎都这样。

有些人抱怨说，在英国，我们太压抑了，都不能在公共交通工具上与陌生人交谈。我想认为这是文化进化的结果,与陌生人交流基本变成必要时应避免的尴尬经历,但我不确定。例如，下面是一些reddit上/英国问题/中关于英国经验的总结帖:

25分钟前，当有人企图插队的时候，我跟他说请排队。我的肾上腺激素到现在还没消退。Zara大促时，也会出现一些不文明的插队现象。

还有:

Just accidentally got on an escalator on the step directly behind someone instead of leaving the customary one step gap. Couldn't step backwards because there was already somebody one step behind me. It was uncomfortable for everyone involved.

搭乘扶梯时不小心踩着紧跟着前面那人的下一级台阶，没有按习惯保持一步距离。但又不能往后退，因为我后面也紧跟着人了。这让每个人都很不舒服。

However the aspect of British culture that secretly fills me with pride is the acute level of self awareness, and the genuine concern for what other people think demonstrated by the public.

A more personal example this time, occasionally I realise I have forgotten something after leaving my house and walking for about 20 seconds towards my destination. While in most other cultures it would be perfectly acceptable to quietly turn around in order to walk back in and retrieve said item, I always aim to cause as obvious a display as possible (e.g. patting my pockets over zealously, looking up at the sky while sighing with despair, occasionally even feigning a phone call) to convince anyone who may be watching that I am not some lunatic who happened to turn 180 degrees in the street and walk in the opposite direction - I have in fact forgotten something. It’s this kind of neurotic pantomime that I think is typical of (and unique to) Great Britain. Please let me know if I’m mistaken.

While we’re on the topic I’d like to dispel the myth that the “Great” in “Great Britain” is a synonym for “fantastic!”.

然而，英国文化中让我暗自感到骄傲的一面是敏锐的自我意识，以及对公众场合中其他人的想法的关切。

这一次我举的是一个更切身的例子，有时候我离开家大约20秒后，会突然想起自己忘了什么。虽然在大多数其他文化中，为了回家取物品而静静转身根本不算事儿，但我总是希望尽可能明显地表演一番(例如，突然狂拍口袋，绝望地仰望天空，偶尔甚至假装打电话)来让任何有可能正看着我的人相信，我不是一个会在街上突然转身180度朝相反方向走的疯子——事实上我忘记了一些事情。我认为这种神经质的哑剧是英国特有的。如果我说的不对请告诉我。

当我们讨论这个话题的时候，我想澄清一个神话，那就是“大不列颠”中的“大”是“棒”的同义词。

Charlotte Moreau, Meandering through life at National Health Service

My grandfather was a Captain in the British Army (Royal Berkshire) during WW2. As an intelligence officer, he had quite a war, and came out of it with the Croix De Guerre, amongst others.

My favourite story, which we know to be absolutely true, was one which took place in occupied France. My grandfather inadvertently strayed into enemy territory whilst seeking out a forward observation post. Having found an apparently abandoned and empty farmhouse, he settled there for the night. The following morning, whilst preparing his breakfast, he found himself surrounded by 28 armed German soldiers, who had emerged from the cellar.

My grandfather's response to finding himself in this situation was possibly the most British thing I have ever heard. Instead of surrendering, or descending into panic, he asked the Germans surrounding him an extremely important question…

我的祖父是二战期间英国陆军(皇家伯克郡)的一名上尉。作为一名情报官员，他经历过相当激烈的战争，在战争结束后，他与克罗伊·德·格拉夫等人一起作战。

我最喜欢的一个故事发生在被占领的法国，我们知道这件事是绝对真实的。我的祖父在搜查前方观察哨时无意中误入敌境。他发现了一所显然已被遗弃的农舍，便在那里过夜。第二天早上，在准备早餐时，他发现自己被28名从地窖里钻出来的德国武装士兵包围了。

我祖父发现自己处于如此绝境的反应可能是我听过的最英国的事情。他没有投降，也没有陷入恐慌，而是向周围的德国人抛出了一个极其重要的问题……

“Haben Sie schon gefrühstückt?” (have you had breakfast yet?)

He proceeded to prepare breakfast (meagre though it must have been) for the Germans with what they and he had, and over the course of the next couple of hours, managed to convince them that they were in fact in Allied territory (at the time, he genuinely believed they were, he only realised his mistake later), persuaded them that it really would be best to surrender, and proceeded to march them through enemy territory and back through British lines.

Unbelievably, and in equally British spirit, he actually remained in contact with some of those soldiers for several decades, and a member of the Hitler youth that he arrested on a separate occasion and also remained in contact with became my dad's godfather many years later.

你们吃过早饭了吗?

他开始为德国人和自己准备早餐(当然了，早餐肯定很寒酸),在接下来的几个小时内设法说服他们,他们实际上是在盟军领土(当时,他真的是这么以为的,后来他才意识到自己犯了个大错),说服他们,最好投降,并让他们通过敌人的领土返回英国。

令人难以置信的是，本着同样的英国精神，他与其中一些士兵保持了几十年的联系，而他有一次逮捕的一名希特勒青年团成员，多年后成为了我父亲的教父。

Jacky Dror, British heritage remains as strong as ever

Up there with the ‘best of British’ undoubtedly has to be our sheer acceptance and patience when it comes to queueing in line for whatever reason. I have lived in London all my life, and have travelled quite extensively, and I have never known a country citizens to be so polite, patient and encompassing when it comes to waiting in line.

When I go to a supermarket I am one of those that walks up and down the check out aisles trying to calculate if I would be better off in the ‘basket only’ queues, which sometimes take longer than a one or two trolley queue. Strangely enough many do not do this. Many a time I will see a really long check out queue simply because people have walked up to the nearest one after they have finished their shop, not bothering to investigate the empty check out counters just a few yards down the row.

Which brings us to bus queues

毫无疑问，与英国最优品质齐名的是，无论出于什么原因，我们都完全接受和耐心地排队。我一辈子都住在伦敦，去过很多地方，我从未见过哪个国家的公民在排队时能如此礼貌、耐心和包容。

当我去超市的时候，我是那种会在超市的货架间走来走去，看看哪条“购物篮专用道”的队伍更短。奇怪的是，很多人都不这么做。很多时候，我看到长长的结账队伍，只是因为人们在购物结束后只走到最近的结账台，而不愿观察一下几码之外的没人的结账台。

再来说说公共车的等候队伍

Be honest. Have you ever seen such a neat and tidy queue such as this, but at least you know exactly where you stand in a single queue. I think it fair to say that more often than not the British know their place.

But do not take my word for it. It is official according to this BBC link.

Apparently our penchant for queuing goes way back to the 19th century when industrial societies were becoming urbanised and masses of people were being brought together. Our queues then became loaded with meanings, a picture of decency, fair play and de ocracy.

We then upped our game and brought queueing on our many underground escalators to a fine art. Standing on the right and leaving space for those rather more athletic beings who choose to sprint up at fast pace.

老实说。你见过如此整齐的队列吗?或者起码你知道你在队列里的确切位置么。我认为公平地说，英国人往往知道他们的位置。

这不是我说的。这是BBC报道的官方消息。

显然，我们对排队的偏好可以追溯到19世纪，当时工业社会正在城市化，大批人聚集在一起。我们的队伍充满了意义，构成了一幅体面、公平和民*的图画。

然后我们把游戏加码，把在地下自动扶梯上排队变成了一种艺术。站在右边，给那些喜欢快速冲刺的人留下空间。