What scares Indian women?

印度女性害怕什么?

 以下是Quora读者的评论：

Amrita Ganguly

I am a 30 years old unmarried indian woman. My parents want me to get married to a decent guy & are ok with me meeting guys to understand each other better.

There was this guy who we saw on a popular matrimonial site & sent interest. I had provided my parent's mobile number as i might not be able to always pick up calls during office hours. Anyway, this guy called my parents & took my no.

Somedays later, he called me. He talked about meeting at his home. I requested that we could first meet at a cafe or restaurant on saturday for dinner first. But he insisted that after a stressful work week, he just wants have some romantic & passionate moments with me & not serious intellectual talks. When i probed furthur, he confessed that he is interested in getting intimate with me (someone he barely knows!)

He said he will never force me to do anything without my consent. But i doubt if he would stop if i dont feel comfortable about something after he got into the flow of things.

Also, he made it plain we may have several meetings (read : develop physical relation). But we can take a final decision only after 5-6 months. Even though both of us may enjoy ourselves, he made it clear that its not necessary that we have to take things forward & marry.

Though he sounded sincere, i somehow felt i shouldn't go forward. I havent replied back to him & blocked him.

As an indian woman, i am afraid of:

Him blackmailing me after clicking intimate pictures or videos with or without my knowledge.

Getting ditched if i get pregnant

Using me as a medium to satisfy himself & leaving me if he gets bored or gets a better catch.

Being raped or harassed if i agree initially but later dont want to take it further.

我是一个30岁的印度未婚女子。我的父母想让我嫁给一个正派的男人，他们不介意我跟男人们见面接触，更好地了解彼此。

之前我们在一个很受欢迎的婚介网站上看到一个男人。我提供的是我父母的手机号码，因为我可能不方便在办公时间接电话。这个男子打电话给我父母，要到了我的号码。

几天后，他打电话给我。他提到去他家见面。我要求星期六先在咖啡馆或餐馆见个面，共进晚餐。但他坚持说，在一周紧张的工作之后，他只想和我享受浪漫和激情的时刻，而不是一本正经的谈话。当我进一步试探时，他承认他想跟我亲密接触(一个他几乎不认识的人!)

他说没有我的同意，是绝对不会强迫我做任何事的。但我怀疑他是否会停止。

此外，他还明确表示，我们可能会见几次面(即:发展身体关系)。但是我们5-6个月之后才能做出最终决定。尽管我们俩可能都很开心，但他明确表示我们没有必要急着超前走并结婚。

虽然他听起来很真诚，但不知怎的，我觉得我不应该继续。我没有回复他，把他拉黑了。

作为一个印度女人，我害怕的是：

他在我知情或不知情的情况下拍摄我的私密照片或视频后勒索我。

如果我怀孕，就会被抛弃。

把我当成一个满足自己的媒介，如果他觉得无聊或者找到更好的对象，就会立刻离开我。

如果我一开始同意了，但后来不想更进一步，我会被强奸或骚扰。

Jedidiah Benhur Margoschis Wisely, former English Instructor

Something worse than rapes. Something worse than gro. Something worse than slut-shaming.

Listen to the voice of the contemporary Indian woman.

Eyes

Ever since we were born, we have been watched. Since our first cry, the first step we took, we have been watched, sharply so. We were told that we would be watched all our way.

The eyes that watched us had grown many folds as we reached puberty, for all the right reasons. We were watched, more intensely so.

Those eyes accompanied us to schools to nudge us when our breasts showed out.

Oh yeah, we used our notebooks to shield our breasts from men, boys, fathers, uncles and yes brothers and yeah- teachers! Those eyes pleaded with us to do so.

We were told that we were hated by other women if we had bigger breasts and more curvy body. The eyes warned us to be circumspect with other women.

我害怕的是比强奸更糟糕的事情。比咸猪手更糟糕的事情。比羞辱更糟糕的事情。

来听听当代印度女性的声音吧。

眼睛

我们从出生之后就被无数双眼睛盯着。从我们的第一次啼哭，迈出的第一步起，我们就一直被人紧紧盯着。人们告诉我们，时刻都会有人盯着我们。

当我们进入青春期时，看着我们的眼睛已经长出了许多皱纹，那些目光盯得越来越紧了。

当我们的胸部开始显露的时候，那双眼睛陪着我们去学校。

哦，是的，我们用笔记本保护我们的胸部，不让男人、男孩、父亲、叔叔、是的兄弟和老师看到！那些眼睛让我们不得不这样做。

我们被告知，如果我们拥有更大的胸部和更玲珑的身段，其他女人就会讨厌我们。这双眼睛提醒我们要小心对待其他女性。

译文来源：三泰虎 http://www.santaihu.com/48471.html 译者：Joyceliu

While in office, when we worked on our computers, we were warned to have an eye on the degrees of driftage our breasts had. "Don’t bend down too much". "Watch out for your shawl” Yes, those eyes warned us of everything.

The eyes said they cared.

Those eyes feasted on our frontal and rear exquisiteness; they ascertained our conduct based on the symmetry of our butt and breasts.

Yes, they cared for us.

My oh my! The eyes were connoisseurs- they told me if I wore the right brassiere for the right clothe, if I had chosen the right color, if I had worn the right shorts under my skirts. They were so spot-on.

They cared for us.

These eyes crucified our soul and excruciated our mind when a figment of my inner - wear showed out a bit- yes, there was no relaxation in this regard because the eyes cared for us.

The eyes taught us the difference between “chic” and “voluptuous.”

The eyes were good teachers.

We were under the scope of these eyes-in the washroom and bedroom. The eyes never blinked. They were watchful. Yes, watchful eyes.

在办公室里，当我们在电脑前工作的时候，我们被警告要注意我们胸部的走光程度。“弯腰时小心幅度”，"小心你的披肩"，是的，那双眼睛警告我们一切。

眼睛说他们在乎。

那双眼睛饱餐着我们的前胸后臀的优美曲线，他们根据我们臀部和胸部的匀称与否决定我们的行为举止是否端庄。

是的，他们关心我们。

我的天！他们的眼睛是鉴赏家——他们告诉我穿的胸罩跟衣服是不是搭配，我挑的颜色合不合适，我裙子下面穿的短裤对不对。他们非常精于此道。

他们关心我们。

这双眼睛把我们的灵魂钉在十字架上，折磨着我们的心灵——是的，在这方面不能放松，因为这双眼睛正盯着我们。

这双眼睛教会了我们“时髦”和“性感”的区别。

这双眼睛是好老师。

我们处在这双眼睛的注视下—在浴室和卧室里。这双眼睛从不眨一下。是的，警惕的眼睛。

Pranav Jamadagni, Programmer analyst at Cognizant (2017-present)

A few days back, I visited my best friend, Dipali’s house. Dipali got married a couple of years ago. She works for the IT industry and is a hard working woman. When we met, the conversation kind of went like this.

me: “So Dipali, how’s work going on at your company?”

her: “Yeah, it’s really great! Work is lil bit extra now a days. But I think it’s been paying off.”

me: “You got a good hike?”

*her face brightens up a bit. Eyes glittering like diamonds*

her: “No. But I recently got an onsite opportunity at UK for 3 months.”

me: “Hey, that’s a great news! So when are you leaving?”

*her face faded again. Eyes from diamond to a gloomy shade.*

her: “Actually, I’ve decided not to go!”

me: “And why?”

her: “Actually Ramesh (Dipali’s husband) cannot live without me and I cannot live there alone, my in laws won’t accept that.”

me: “Oh! But have you at least considered asking them or your husband about it?”

her: “No, because I already know, if I ask, the conversation won’t be a pleasant one and will end with me deciding to reject the offer anyway.”

me: “But, don’t you want to go there? I mean, such opportunities are rare. And it’s just a matter of months.”

her: “Of course I would like to go there. But I’m married now. I can’t let my family be without me.”

me: “But I remember Ramesh ji was in France last year for 6 months right? So it appears that he can live 6 months without you.”

her: “Yeah! But then again, he’s a male part of the family. He can afford that.”

*me sitting there with ‘now what to say’ face *

her: “Hey, you don’t worry about that. Lets just forget about that. What would you like to have with tea?”

几天前，我去了趟我最好的朋友迪帕里的家。迪帕里几年前结婚了。她在IT行业工作，工作很努力。我们见面后有了以下的对话：

我:“迪帕里，你公司最近怎么样?”

她:“嗯，真的很棒！现在工作会比以前忙一点。但我认为这是有回报的。”

我:“你升职了吗？”

(她的脸色亮了一点。)眼睛像钻石一样闪闪发光

她:“不。但最近我得到了一个为期3个月去英国工作的机会。”

我:“嘿，这是个好消息！你什么时候出发？”

她的脸色又变苍白了。眼睛从钻石变得暗淡。

她:“事实上，我已经决定不去了!”

我:“为什么?”

她说:“事实上，拉梅什(迪帕里的丈夫)不能没有我，我也没办法一个人去英国，我的公婆不会同意的。”

我:“哦！但你至少得问问他们或你丈夫吧？”

她说:“不用问了，我已经知道，如果我问的话，谈话不会很愉快，最后我还是决定拒绝这份工作机会。”

我:“但是，你不想去吗？我的意思是，这样的机会很少。只是几个月而已。”

她说:“我当然想去。但我现在结婚了。我不能撇下我的家人。”

我:“但我记得拉梅什·吉去年也在法国呆了6个月，对吗？没有你他也能活6个月啊。”

她:“是啊！但话又说回来，他是家里的男人。他担得起。”

*我坐在那里，面带着“我该说什么”的表情*

她:“嘿，你不用担心。算了吧。你想喝点什么茶？”

I realized that consequences of choosing career over family is what scares Indian women a lot.

我意识到，把职业选择至于家庭只上的后果让印度女性非常害怕。

Dree Mehta, lives in India

As an Indian woman it scares me that there are so many wrong ideas and notions surrounding Indian society and Indian men that float around in the world outside.

One of my Indian female friends was giving a job interview for a job in Tokyo and this accomplished and smart girl aced the technical round but was stumped by a single statement in the HR round.

“We’ve heard and seen that Indian women are forced to marry young and their husbands and families make them quit their jobs. We’ve had this experience previously and don’t want the same to happen.”

This. This not only scares me but also infuriates me as a young Indian woman.

The fact that everybody is ready to judge us on our circumstances without even knowing the reality scares me.

Indian women have come a long way, and that’s not only because of their resilient nature but also because of the strong and upright Indian men in our society who are doing their best to falsify these claims about patriarchy.

Indian men are good, Indian women are good and the fact is that most human beings are also inherently good. Judging Indian women or me based on some experiences is awful and no person should be subject to this kind of treatment.

It scares me as an Indian woman to think that the image of Indian society and Indian men to the outside world has been tarnished and we as women are victimised beyond belief by others only because of their wrong notions surrounding men.

So to all the people out there, who think Indian men or society scares us Indian women…

NO.

It is your false judgement about them that does.

作为一名印度女性，我很害怕有那么多错误的观念围绕着印度社会和印度男人。

我的一位印度女性朋友在东京参加一份工作面试，这个多才多艺、聪明伶俐的女孩在技术面试中获得了满分，但在人事部门的面试中，她却被一句话难倒了。

“我们听闻过，也看到过印度妇女被迫早婚，她们的丈夫和婆家会逼她们辞职。我们以前也有过这样的经历，我们不希望发生同样的事情。”

这一点，作为一个年轻的印度女性，不仅让我害怕，也让我愤怒。

每个人都在不了解现实的情况下评判我们，这让我感到害怕。

印度女性已经取得了长足的进步，这不仅是因为她们坚韧的天性，还因为我们社会中那些坚强正直的印度男性，他们正在竭尽全力地打破父权制的印象。

印度男人很好，印度女人也很好，事实上，大多数人天生就很好。根据一些经验来判断印度妇女或我是可怕的，任何人都不应该受到这种对待。

作为一名印度女性，想到印度社会和印度男性外人眼里的形象已经受损，而我们作为女性却因为别人对男性的错误观念而受到难以置信的伤害，我感到害怕。

所以，对于所有认为印度男人或社会让我们印度女人害怕的人来说……

不。

你错了。

Nalira Rumaizan, worked at EY (2014-2017)

Not a very long time ago, I used to travel by public transport. I took two buses to office each day.

Even during college/school I took buses. In a way it was nice and comfortable. They're highly economical, I paid around ₹20 - ₹30 to cover 16 km.

Having said all the upsides of it, there's no denying that it has its own set of downsides as well. They are not always frequent, they can be ruthlessly congested or they can also carry some uncivilised mannerless men. Some. Few. Not all of them.

What do these people do?

不久前，我经常乘坐公共交通工具旅行。我每天要换乘两辆公共汽车去上班。

在大学/学校期间我也乘坐公共汽车。挺舒服的。他们很实惠，16公里仅需20 - 30卢比。

除了这些优点，不可否认的是，公交车也有缺点。班次不够多，可能非常拥挤，车上还可能有一些不文明、没礼貌的人。只是一些而已。并非全部。

这些人做了什么呢？

1.Stare at women so much that she feels uncomfortable

2.Touch her arms when she's trying to hold on to the iron handles for support

3.Fall on her whether or not the buses brake

4.Touch her where they shouldn't

Has it happened to me? Yes. Sadly, a few times I've been a victim of these despicable acts of sheer sexual hunger.

So, what is it that I'm afraid of? Travelling by buses? Nope, not in the least.

I'm afraid of slap such people. I'm afraid of yelling at such people. I'm afraid of handing such people over to the police. I'm afraid of standing up for myself. I either politely ask them to stop what they're doing or I get down and take another bus.

Why? The thought that he may seek revenge scares me. If I hurt his pride, he may kill me. He may go to any extreme. Acid attack? Rape? Who knows? Am I imagining things? No. I've come across such news. And often. This is the reality in India.

It's a very humble request to all the girls out there, do not injure the pride of your assaulter. Your safety has to be your major concern

1.盯着女人看很久，久到让她感到不舒服

2.当她试图抓住把手支撑自己的身体时，摸她的手臂揩油水

3.不管公共汽车是否刹车，都要往她身上靠

4.碰女人身上不该触碰的地方

这事发生在我身上过吗？是的。可悲的是，有几次我成了这些卑鄙的性饥渴行为的受害者。

那么，我害怕什么呢？乘坐公共汽车吗？不，一点也不。

我害怕打这样的人。我害怕对这样的人大喊大叫。我害怕把这样的人交给警察。我害怕为自己说话。我要么礼貌地让他们停下正在做的事情，要么下车坐另一辆公共汽车。

为什么？一想到他可能会报复我，我就害怕。如果我伤害了他的自尊，他可能会杀了我。他可能会走极端。泼硫酸？强奸？谁知道呢？我在胡思乱想吗？不。我曾看到过这样的新闻。而且经常看到。这就是印度的现实。

这是对所有女孩的一个非常谦卑的要求，别试图伤害袭击你的人的自尊心。你的安全才是最重要的。

Samujjal Das, Proud Indian

Her son goes to take tuition to his friend’s home. Since it is just a few kilometers away, he goes by his cycle. It gets over at 10PM and he gets back to his home by 10:30PM. But today he has not returned yet. It’s 11:30 now. She has already called him up on his number, several times, but his number is switched off. She calls his friend’s mom. His friend’s mom tells that he has left their home at 10:10PM. This scares an Indian mother.

她儿子到朋友家去学习。因为只有几公里远，他就骑自行车去了。正常情况下都是晚上10点结束，10点半到家。但是今天他到点了还没到家。已经11:30了。她给他打过好几次电话，但是电话关机了。她给儿子朋友的妈妈打过电话。他朋友的妈妈说他晚上10点10分就走了。这位印度母亲吓坏了。

Her husband is coming back home late for the last few days. She has never asked him the reason. She knows that her husband is in a top position in a famous MNC, so it’s natural for him to get involved in client meetings. Also, he has never shown any sign of suspicion. He kisses her forehead, every time he comes home late. But today, after coming home, when her husband goes to take a shower, and leaves his phone on the table, she sees his phone vibrating and a name “Ajay” shows up on the screen She decides to take the call and tell “Ajay” to call after few minutes. But, she hears a female voice from the other side. This scares an Indian wife.

她丈夫这几天回家都很晚。她从未问过他原因。她知道她的丈夫在一家著名的跨国公司担任要职，所以参加客户会议是很自然的事。此外，他从未表现出任何可疑迹象。每次回家晚了，他都会吻吻她的额头。但是今天，当她的丈夫把手机放在桌子上去洗澡时，她看到他的手机在震动，一个叫“Ajay”的名字出现在屏幕上，她决定接电话，告诉“Ajay”几分钟后再打过来。但是，她听到了电话那头是一个女人的声音。这位印度妻子吓坏了。

She comes home from school. She notices her skirt has become wet and red. She, being a 12 year old girl thinks that something is wrong with her body. She has never encountered this before. Her parents are not at home. She straight away goes to her bedroom and closes the door. She cannot figure out what’s wrong. This scares an Indian teenage daughter.

她从学校回家。发现她的裙子又湿又红。作为一个12岁的女孩，她还认为她的身体出了什么问题。她以前从未遇到过这种情况。她父母不在家。她径直走进卧室，关上了门。她不知道怎么回事。这个十几岁的印度小姑娘吓坏了。

She is 30, unmarried. She is working as a teacher in a primary school. Her parents had started looking for a match for her from the time she had passed out from her college. But she has been rejected by everyone who had come to see her. Reason? She has a strange mark on her forehead, which is “destroying” her appearance. She cries after every rejection. She thinks if ever someone will marry her. This scares an Indian adult daughter.

她30岁，未婚，在一所小学当老师。自她大学毕业后，她的父母就开始为她找对象。但是所有见面的人都拒绝了。至于原因？她额头上有一个奇怪的印记，这“破坏”了她的颜值。每次被拒绝后她都会哭。她怀疑这辈子会不会有人愿意娶她。这个印度成年姑娘吓坏了。

Her marriage talks are going on. The groom's family has liked her. Her parents seem happy about the fact that their little girl will get married. Today they have come to her home to finalise the talks. But right now, she is worried. Why? Because the groom's mother has just told her father “We want something more from you”. This scares an Indian potential bride.

她的婚事正在筹备中了。新郎的家人很喜欢她。她的父母似乎很高兴他们的小女儿要结婚了。今天他们来她家完成协商。但现在，她很担心。为什么？因为新郎的母亲刚刚告诉她的父亲“我们想从你们家获得更多嫁妆”。这位印度准新娘吓坏了。

Her husband has died 10 years back. Her son is married for the past 4 years. Her daughter-in-law doesn’t like her. She always finds some petty issue to argue with her. Her son takes his wife’s side, and sometimes he too doesn’t spare his mother. One day, she accidentally overhears a conversation between his son and her wife, and certain words like “old-age home”, come to her ears. This scares an old Indian mother.

她丈夫10年前去世了。她的儿子已经结婚4年了。她的儿媳妇不喜欢她，总是找些鸡毛蒜皮的事和她争论。她的儿子站在妻子那边。有一天，她无意中听到了儿子和妻子的对话，她听到了诸如“养老院”这样的词。这位年迈的印度母亲吓坏了。

Anonymous

I am a women who has stayed in almost all states of India right from my childhood.

I would like to share few instances that have shaped me during my formative years .

During my Schooling years-

Place : New Delhi

I was molested in a children's park at the age of 5 .

So,I got scared of all grown men and till date don’t trust anybody at all.

Place : A place known for its famous college in Tamil nadu

Just to give you a background ,Kids in primary classes would leave the school earlier than those in Secondary classes

and that's why they had an extra thirty minutes to spend outside the school premises waiting so that they could be picked up by the bus once the entire school was closed.

So,During this half an hour of time ,We were scared to death when some senior class boys would just stare at you and pass comments .(Note :As a 7-8 yr old not all the girls have the tendency to pick up a fight with boys of senior classes)

This incident made me believe that all boys are the same and there is no sense of respect for any women in them.

我是一名女性，从我的童年起，我在印度几乎所有的邦都生活过。

我想和大家分享一些我在成长过程中遇到的事，这些事让我成为了今天的我。

上学期间-

地点:新德里

我5岁时在一个儿童公园被猥亵。

所以，我害怕所有的成年男人，直到现在我都不相信任何人。

地点:泰米尔纳德邦，某个因知名大学而闻名的地方

当时的背景情况是，小学生会比初中生早离校

所以他们要在学校外面等30分钟，才能在整个学校放学后搭乘巴士回家。

所以，在这半小时的时间里，我们害怕得要死，有些高年级男生会直直地盯着你，评头论足

(注意:作为一个7-8岁的孩子，并不是所有的女孩都敢和高年级男生打架的)

这件事让我相信所有的男孩都是一样的，对任何女性没有一丝丝尊重。

Place : A well know place in UP

After leaving the school in Tamilnadu ,I thought that I would be in a better place where we as girls could step out freely ,Only to be disappointed even more.

I was in my early teens and now the sense of right and wrong was stronger .

There were two lanes that would lead to the main road towards my school.

One had a sweets shop and a mini-market sort of area but was a shorter route.

The other was a quiet lane but a longer route to the main road .

We had the option to take the first lane ,but we did not take it .Why ?

Because ,That was always filled with rickshaw walas and all the people who had no work to do in the world roaming around and commenting on every passer -by.

地点:北方邦一个很有名的地方

离开泰米尔纳德邦的学校后，我想我能去到一个更好的地方，在那里，作为女孩也可以自由地走出去，但却更为失望。

那时我才十几岁，现在对与错的感觉更加强烈了。

有两条小路通向通往我学校的主干道。

其中一条有一家糖果店和一个小型市场，但路程较短。

另一条是一条安静的小路，但路程较长。

我们可以选择走第一条路，但是我们没有选，为什么?

因为那里总是挤满了人力车和无所事事的人，对每一个过路人评头论足。

Place : A city know for its culture in Maharashtra

I used to travel to the other end of the city in a decent college but location wise -It was as scary as hell.

We had to run for our life as soon as my 5.30 pm classes would get over because there were more boys/even grown up men staring at girls near the ext gate .

In a otherwise modern city ,I had not seen such level of terror in girls even when I used to travel

covered from top to toe.

So, the thing that SCARES ME is the thought that girls in today's generations will also have the same feeling towards men in general .

地点:马哈拉施特拉邦，某个因其文化而闻名的城市

下午5点30分的课一下课，我们就得逃命，因为有更多的男孩/甚至是成年男子在出口处盯着女孩看。

在一个其他方面都很现代化的城市里，我从未见过女孩们如此恐惧，从头到脚都在害怕。

所以，让我害怕的是，今天的女孩对男人也会有同样的感觉。