我现在37岁了，为什么还单着呢，还没找到合适的另一半，该怎么办

I'm now 37 years old. Why am I still single? I haven't found someone good for me yet. What should I do?

我现在37岁了，为什么还单着呢？我还没找到合适的另一半，我该怎么办？

以下是Quora网友的评论：

Stephanie V

I am a 35 year old woman. I am not married, have no children or house in the burbs. Am I doomed?

Doomed to a LIFE OF AWESOMENESS, maybe!

Seriously.

Take the things you like about your life and double down on them. Do you like traveling? You can go wherever you want. Do you like movies? You don't have to argue with anybody about what movie to see that day. Do you like to keep unusual hours or eat specific kinds of food? No one will argue with you or judge you.

我是一个35岁的女人。我没结婚，没孩子，在郊区也没房子。我完蛋了吗？

也许，你是注定要过美好的生活呢，亲！

我是说真的。

抓住生活中你喜欢的东西，加倍努力。你喜欢旅游吗？你可以想去哪儿就去哪儿。你喜欢看电影吗？你不必和任何人争论哪一天看哪一部电影。你喜欢不一样的作息时间或吃某种特别的食物吗？没有人会与你争论或对你评头论足。

Marriage is great if you marry a great person. If you don't, then it's not so great. Most of my closest women friends are unmarried well into their 50s and 60s and they are all happy and fulfilled. Because they gave themselves permission to be happy and fulfilled.

Who made up this idea that a woman has to have a husband and children and a house in the burbs to be happy or successful? That's bullshit and on some level you know it. Let yourself acknowledge it, then live a great life. If you meet a great guy while you are living your great life, well, that's a bonus. If you don't, well, at least you had a great life.

如果你嫁给了一个不错的男人，婚姻是美妙的。但如果遇人不淑，就不太妙了。我的闺蜜们大多50多岁或60多岁了还没有结婚，她们都过得很幸福，很满足。因为她们允许自己快乐和满足。

到底是谁提出来的观念，女人必须拥有丈夫，孩子和郊区的房子才算幸福，才算成功？那都是胡扯，你应该也清楚这一点。你要自己承认这一点，才能享受美好的生活。如果你在享受美好生活时遇到了一个好男人，那么，这是额外的收获。如果没遇着，起码你也有幸福的生活。

Michael

Well I can relate a bit, got married at age 38, my bride was 32. You would have to tell us a lot more to tell you why you are single. Are you too picky? I was. Did you feel ready to marry? I didn’t. There can be so many reasons. At your age finding someone without the baggage of a previous marriage or serious relationship that went sour is not easy. But it is possible. I was one of those. There is hope. Set some expectations to a lower level, he is not going to be perfect, all those guys (who appeared to be) have been taken. Keep your morals and values high, the rest can slide a bit. Not rich, not important, not the best looking, that doesn’t matter. We will be married 30 years this summer. Here is what you should do. Ask God for help in this, you too could have a husband, if not trust God anyway. See and do what John ch.3 says. All the best to you.

我也身有同感，我38岁才结的婚，新娘32岁。你得多说点，我们才能知道你为什么至今单身。你是不是太挑剔了？我就是太挑剔了。你做好结婚的准备了吗？我没有。原因有很多。在你这个年纪，想找一个没结过婚、没谈过恋爱的人并不容易。但这还是有可能的。我就是其中之一。希望还是有的。给自己设定一个低一些的期望值，他不可能完美无缺，完美的男人(看似完美的人)都已经名草有主了。设定高一点的道德和价值观，其他的要求稍微低一点。没钱，没地位，不帅气，这些都不重要。今年夏天我们就结婚30年了。你应该做的是求神帮你找个对象，你也可以找到一个丈夫。

Gordon Miller

What's wrong being a 35 year old man and still single?

Nothing is wrong with being 35 and single. Enjoy being single. Focus on making millions of dollars by the time you are 50 and you will have trouble kee all the 30 year old women away.

一个男人35岁了仍然单身有什么不对？

35岁还单身并没有什么错。享受你的单身生活吧。专心搞钱，等你50岁的时候如果能赚到几百万美元，30岁的女人随便你挑。

Mari Del Rio

Is there something wrong with guys who are still single by 37?

Imagine this. A guy is single at 26. He meets a girl, falls in love, and 4 years later, she says she's fallen out of love or they have grown apart. He meets another girl a year later, at 31. They break up a year later. She isn't ready to settle down. He's 32. At 33, he meets another girl and they date for 4 years, and one day he finds out she's cheating. Is there something wrong with him because he met the wrong girls and wasted time with them? Of course not. Sometimes we just end up wasting time with the wrong people, or we haven't met a good match. Don't blame the victim (of fate) or say he wasn't wise enough to choose a better match. If that were the case, none of us would ever break up or get divorced. Oh you dated 2 people and didn't marry either? You must be defective.

37岁还单身的男人有什么问题吗？

想象一下，一个26岁的单身男人遇到了一个女孩，坠入爱河，4年后她说她不爱他了，他们分手了。一年后，31岁的他又遇到了另一个女孩，一年后她还没准备好安定下来，他们再次分手。他已经32岁了。33岁时，他又遇到了一个女孩，约会4年后，有一天他发现她出轨了。他所遇非人，浪费了时间，他有什么问题吗？当然没有。有时候，我们只是在错的人身上浪费了时间，没有遇到对的人。不要责怪(命运的)受害者，也别说他不够明智，没能找个更好的伴侣。如果这么说的话，世上就不存在分手或离婚了。你跟两个人约会过，也还没结婚？你肯定有问题。

Smitaj

There was a skit we did when I was in the scouts. A person was looking for something on the ground.

Another comes along and offers to help. And another. And another.

我还是童子军的时候，演过一个短剧。一个人在地上找东西。

另一个也过来帮助。后来又接连来了两个人。

Eventually someone asks “where did you lose it”?

“Over there”

“Why aren’t you looking over there”?

“The light is better here”

最后有人问：“你在哪里丢的？”

“在那边。”

“那你为什么不往那边找找看？”

“这里的光线更好啊。”

Basically one reason for not finding something is you are looking for the wrong thing in the wrong place.

You will have met hundreds of people who might have been good for you and never even spoken to them or walked away.

You may have gone to fake places for the PURPOSES of meeting someone. That is only going to show you fakes.

基本上，找不到东西的原因之一就是你在错误的地方寻找错误的东西。

你会遇到数百个也许适合的人，你甚至从未和他们说过话。

你可能为了见某人而去了错的地方，那你只能遇到错的人。

You can meet good people everywhere but often from pursuing some shared activities with a group where you learn about others in a non threatening way and then suddenly you discover that you have an interest in each other but you have no idea of how or when it started.

It is harder as you get older because so many people have been snapped up earlier. Who in their right mind would let a really GOOD one get away?

你会在任何地方都遇到良人，但通常是在和一群人一起参加的集体活动，你可以通过一种不具备威胁性的方式了解其他人，然后突然间你发现你们对彼此都有兴趣，但想不出这种好感是如何或何时开始的。

年纪越大就越难，因为很多人早就被别人捷足先登了。哪个头脑正常的人会放过一个优秀的人呢？

So the range of good people available goes down. Some of what is available is the rejected ones from a previous relationship. It may be that the relationship had failed because they were wrong for each other. They MAY be very grateful for the opportunity to start again in a better way.

But it is a lot more tricky. Care must be taken. There are people who serially choose the wrong type of person and wonder why it doesn’t work.

所以可选范围就缩小了。有些人在前一段关系中被拒绝了，而那段关系之所以失败，可能是因为他们彼此都有错处。如果有机会以更好的方式重新开始，他们可能会非常感恩。

这要更为复杂得多。必须小心谨慎。有些人连续犯下同样的错误，还不知道自己为什么犯错。

Dating and Relationships Experts

There are a lot of reasons you are still single. Here are four common reasons with a response:

1.You haven’t met the right person yet. Cycle through many different people through social events. Give people a chance.

2.Maybe you have unrealistic expectations of a mate. See if these standards are realistic. Consider flexbility in what you expect in a mate.

3.Perhaps you have unresolved emotional issues that you still need to work through. Work with people you trust on this one. Consider therapy or counseling to resolve them.

4.You’re too focused on your career. Take time to build relationships and have dates. Make time to meet the opposite sex.

Be patient and keep trying different strategies until you find someone good for you!

你至今单身的原因有很多。以下是四个最常见的原因：

1.你还没有遇到对的人。你在社交活动中在许多不同的人身上兜兜转转。给别人一个机会吧。

2.也许你对伴侣有不切实际的期望。检视一下这些标准是否现实。考虑一下你对伴侣期望值的灵活性吧。

3.也许你还有未解决的情感问题需要解决。和你信任的人一起完成这件事。可以考虑通过治疗或咨询来解决这些问题。

4.你太专注于自己的事业了。多花些时间建立关系，见面约会。抽出时间见见异性。

你要有耐心，不断尝试不同的策略，直到找到适合你的人！

Jim.Moore

Keep looking. Better to find the right one. If you look at it statistically, it’s a wonder that we find anyone compatible. My son just got engaged at 42.

And tear up your physical requirements list, I know you have one. You will overlook the perfect partner and guarantee loneliness having a list.

继续找呗。最好还是找个合适的。如果你看统计数据，如果我们能找到合适的人，那简直就是一个奇迹。我儿子42岁才刚订婚。

另外，把你的要求清单撕了吧，我知道你有这么一个清单。你会因此对完美的伴侣视而不见。

RW Smythe

I am not trying to be critical:

The “strong woman” tag could be a clue to the first question. That is NOT a reflection on the men.

You have run across someone “good for you” but maybe he saw that you were not good for him, for whatever reason that was.

If some person similar to me, were to meet you and ask you out, you might consider him and hope it can all be made to work. My gut tells me that you will reject them, unconsciously.

我不想批评你：

“女强人”可能跟你第一个问题有关。这并非是男人的问题。

你遇到了一个“适合你”的人，但也许他认为出于种种原因，你并不适合他。

如果有个和我差不多的人约你，你可能会考虑他，希望这次能成功。但我的直觉告诉我，你会下意识地拒绝他们。

Antoni Jakubowski

You may find the answer in your question. Are You a good person?

Just think about it and try to understand why there is nobody, so far, who has not found you good enough to share her/his life with you.

If you need things to change, start by changing yourself.

你可以在你的问题中找到答案。你是个好人吗？

想想看，为什么到目前为止，还没有人觉得你足够好，好到愿意和你一起生活呢。

如果你需要改变，那就要从改变自己开始。

So, to start:

. smile at people

. talk less, listen more

. try to make every day meaningful, not only for you...

Best of luck to you…

所以，从现在开始：

对人微笑

少说多听

试着让每一天都有意义，不仅仅是为了你自己……

祝你好运…

Shikha Chaurasia

Things you can do and their conclusions:

You can try to meet new people- if you will find someone worthy and fall for them then that's a win but if they don't fall for you then it might break your heart.

You can force love in your own heart for someone- nope! You can't!

你能做的事情和结论：

你可以试着认识新的人——如果你找到了值得你爱的人，那就是一种胜利，但如果他们没有爱上你，那可能会让你心碎。

你可以强迫自己去爱一个人——不！千万别！

You can get attracted to someone and they might also fall for you- if that attraction turns into love then again that's a win but if not then someday you'll leave them heartbroken or maybe they'll leave you heartbroken

你可能会被某个人吸引，他们也可能会爱上你——如果这种吸引变成了爱，那就是一种胜利，但如果不是这样，有一天你会让他们心碎，或者他们让你心碎

Things you should do:

Nothing (related to your singleness)

Focus on your health and career, spend time with nature and animals.

There's nothing wrong in being single at 37. When the right one will come, you will know!

你应该做的事情如下：

什么都不用做(和你的单身有关的事)

关注自己的健康和事业，花时间与大自然和动物在一起。

37岁还单身，一点错都没有。当那个对的人出现的时候，你会知道的！