Every time my daughter visits her Chinese high school friend she comes home with a bag of basic groceries bought by the friend's mother. We are not poor so I find it slightly embarassing. Is this normal courtesy for the Chinese?

每次我女儿去看高中朋友（中国人），朋友妈妈总会送她一袋食物。我们家并不穷，所以我觉得有点尴尬。这对中国人来说是正常礼节吗？

以下是Quora网友的评论：

Janis Chan

All are great answers. I would attempt to explain the part about “basic groceries”. We all give gifts that we ourselves like, and the giver could well be liking certain types of noodles or a particular brand of chilli sauce, and want you to try them. Gifting food is very normal / common amongst Chinese people and within Chinese families. Food is the vocabulary through which Chinese people express love - they are not touchy-feely, not sweet talkers, and not greeting card writers. For them, they share their “comfort food” when they treat you as family. A close school friend of their son or daughter is like a niece or nephew. The giver is extending to your daughter the love they have for their own child.

我看到的回答都很不错。我想解释一下“食物”。我们中国人都会送自己喜欢的礼物，送礼者很可能喜欢某些类型的面条或特定品牌的辣椒酱，希望你也能尝尝。在中国人和中国家庭中，互相赠送食品是很正常的事。食物是中国人表达爱的词汇——他们不是情感外露的人，不是会说甜言蜜语的人，也不是会手写贺卡的人。对他们来说，如果他们把你当作家人，他们就会分享他们的“家乡美食”。他们的子女在学校的密友就好比他们的侄女或侄子。送你东西的这个妈妈只是把对自己孩子的爱延伸到你女儿身上了。

Emma Pichon de Bury

For this specific event, I don't know exactly, but I have a coupe of stories about Chinese people and food!

2 years ago I moved to the UK to go to university. I was living in a student hall, and among my flatmates there was a Chinese girl, Crystal. We quickly became friends, along with our Portuguese flatmate, Ana.

针对你说的这个事，我不是很清楚，但我也遇到过几则关于中国人和食物的故事！

两年前，我去英国上大学。我住在一个学生宿舍里，室友中有一个中国女孩，叫Crystal。我们很快就成了朋友，我们还有一个葡萄牙室友安娜。

That’s how I came to learn about Chinese culture. When Crystal was cooking she would always, always, offer us some of her food. When we ate together, she would put food in our plates, as if we hadn't eaten enough already! At first I thought it was strange. I can’t get more food by myself, I don't need someone to put it in my plate! But I quickly understood that it’s actually pretty normal in China. I started watching Chinese Drama that Crystal had recommended, and we see characters “feeding each other” pretty often!

于是我开始了解到了中国文化。Crystal做饭的时候，她总会分给我们一些。当我们一起吃饭时，她会把菜夹到我们的盘子里，就好像我们不够吃！起初我觉得很奇怪。我不需要别人把食物放在我的盘子里！但我很快就明白这在中国是很正常的事。我还开始看Crystal推荐的中国电视剧，经常能看到剧中的人物“给对方喂食”！

Another time, I was on a plane. Next to me sat a Chinese lady (I knew she was Chinese because I saw her passport and I heard her speak. I don't speak or understand Chinese myself, but I’ve watched enough Chinese Drama to recognise the language haha). I was just sitting, listening to my music, as she got a bag of crisps out of bag. I quickly looked as I was curious about the noise. She immediately offered me some! I had never seen that woman before, didn’t speak to her except a “hi!” when she sat next to me. And yet, she offered me food! When I declined, she got some sweets and asked if I preferred those. She was so incredibly nice!

还有一件事是我在飞机上时遇到的。我旁边坐着一位中国女士(我知道她是中国人，因为我看到了她的护照，也听到了她说话。我自己并不会说中文，也听不懂中文，但我看过太多中国电视剧了，我能辨认出这种语言哈哈)。我坐在座位上听着自己的音乐，她从袋子里拿出一袋薯片。因为对那个声音感到好奇，我就随意看了眼，结果她马上就要分我一些薯片！我从未见过那个女人，除了她在旁边坐下时说了声“嗨!”之外，也从未跟她说过话。可她却要分我薯片！当我婉谢时，她又拿出一些糖果，问我喜不喜欢。她人真是太好了！

It is part of Chinese culture to offer food. Don't be offended by your daughter coming back with groceries, it’s probably just her friend’s family telling you they appreciate you and your daughter! :)

分享食物是中国文化的一部分。不要因为你的女儿带这些东西回家不高兴，也许她朋友的家人只是想告诉你，他们很感激你和你的女儿！:)

June Williams

I am 100% Chinese. Please don’t be embarrassed; Chinese people offer food because it’s polite in our culture. Yes, we greet visitors by asking ”have you eaten yet?” and then we offer them food no matter how they answer. It’s a ritual - you can refuse twice and still be polite, but the third answer is your “real” answer. Even if they have nothing except a can of Spam, they will offer it to you. TAKE NOTE of who does this to you, because many Chinese are Americanized and don’t offer food. So if you notice that they do offer food, you should try to do the same when they come to your house, and when you come next to their house BRING SOMETHING like a few pieces of fruit (preferably yellow or orange, i.e. “gold-colored” - or red for good luck) or a small box of cookies or chocolate; otherwise, to come empty-handed to their house makes you look like a beggar. (That’s traditional Chinese thinking.)

Americans may not offer food but they often offer a drink - water, coffee, tea, etc.

我是如假包换的中国人。你不用觉得尴尬；中国人送对方食物，是因为这在中国文化中是一种礼节。是的，我们会问客人“吃饭了吗?”不管客人怎么回答，我们都愿意为他们端上食物。这是一种待客礼节——你可以礼貌地推拒两次，但第三次可以说出自己“真心”的回答。就算他们除了午餐肉什么都没有，他们也会把午餐肉端给你。你要留意哪些人会这么做，因为现在很多中国人也都被美国同化了，不会给客人准备吃的东西。所以，对那些会准备食物的人，你应该在他们到访时也为他们准备点吃的。如果你去他们家，可以带上一些水果(最好是黄色或橙色的，看起来“金灿灿的”；或红色的，代表好运)或一小盒饼干或巧克力；要不然两手空空上人家家，会把自己搞得像个乞丐。(这是中国的传统思维。)

美国人可能不会准备食物，但他们常常会提供饮料——水、咖啡、茶等。

Cjc614

In my experience it’s pretty common, my family is chinese so we have a lot of chinese friends as well, a lot of times after you visit a friend’s house they’ll insist that you take something home with you, usually fruit or something similar, it’s mostly a hospitality/friendship thing. Often when I visit my other chinese friends their parents will say something like “oh i found bought these oranges the other day, they’re especially sweet and juicy, take some home with you!” or with if we are close and they knew I would be coming over they might have picked up some snacks I like when they went to the store earlier. A lot of chinese people like to buy stuff on sale or in bulk too since it’s cheaper and will share some with friends. After eating at a friend’s house they’ll often offer you the leftovers to take home too. So yes, it’s a pretty common thing in Chinese culture, it’s just part of hospitality for us.

根据我的经验，这种事很正常。我的家人是中国人，所以我们有很多中国朋友，很多时候你去朋友家后，他们会坚持让你带点东西回家，通常是水果或类似的东西，这主要是因为中国人十分好客、把你当朋友。我去中国朋友家做客，他们的父母会说：“哦，我前几天买了这些橘子，特别甜，汁水特别多，你等下带点回家吃吧！”或者如果我们关系很亲近，他们知道我会去他们家，他们可能会在商店购物时顺手买一些我喜欢吃的零食。很多中国人也喜欢买打折或散装的东西，因为这样买更便宜，然后他们就和朋友分享。去朋友家吃饭后，他们通常也会让你带点剩饭回家。没错，这在中国文化中是很常见的事情，是中国人好客之道的一部分。

Mark Bishop

My first wife was Chinese. My lovely son is half Chinese. Back when I lived in Los Angeles, Chinese people surrounded me. I could walk down the street and visit a Jack in the Box to get breakfast or cross the street to DiHo, a Chinese supermarket, and get anything Asian. My son loved their dumplings. We had the best of both worlds.

I can recall going together with my son into DiHo to pick up some groceries and then suddenly several Chinese women would surround me, talking Chinese to my son and pinching him with adoration. I spoke only a little Chinese, but I could tell they were being very kind to us.

我的第一任妻子是中国人。我可爱的儿子有一半中国血统。我在洛杉矶居住期间，身边有好多中国人。我会去Jack in the Box买早餐，或者穿过街道去DiHo—一家中国超市，购买亚洲商品。我儿子很喜欢他们家的饺子。

我记得我带儿子一起去DiHo购物，突然几个中国女人围住我，对着我的儿子说中文，充满爱意地逗弄他。我只会说一点中文，但我能感觉到她们对我们十分友好。

And there were times my wife was in China or Hong Kong and my son and I were alone, and I lost count of how many times Chinese would knock on my door and have food for us. Even my wife’s relatives would drive 30 minutes one way to our home to make sure we had food.

It’s totally normal to see Chinese extend their kindness and care towards others. I commonly find this in most Asian groups.

有几次我妻子回中国大陆或香港，我一个人带儿子，我都记不清有多少中国人来敲过我家的门，给我们送上吃的。就连我妻子的亲戚也会开车30分钟来我家，让我们不至于饿肚子。

看到中国人对他人表示友好和关心是完全正常的。我在大多数亚洲人群中都发现了这一点。

I can recall being in Hong Kong one time, and I was alone and feeling tired and hungry after my flight. Downstairs in the hotel was a Chinese supermarket that also had prepared foods. An old Chinese woman saw me and came right up to me and felt my forehead. She got together several dishes and soups and bagged them all up, trying to explain to me when and how to eat them. She didn’t have to do that, but she did.

我记得有一次在香港，我一个人在飞机上，感觉又累又饿。酒店楼下是一家中国超市，也有出售现成的餐食。一位中国老妇人看到我，径直走到我面前摸了摸我的额头。她把几道菜和汤都打包装袋，试图向我解释什么时候吃，怎么吃。她其实根本不需要这么做的，但她还是做了。

I’ve seen Chinese being tough as nails on the outside and seemingly uncaring, but it’s really only a facade. Chinese, maybe not all of them, always remember family, and even the total stranger, and will help. Whether it’s just handing you a bag of food; or mending torn trousers, they do, and seldom complain.

And in case you’re wondering, I’m not Chinese.

中国人表面上像钉子一样强硬，看起来漠不关心，但这实际上只是表面现象。中国人，也许不是所有的中国人，总是把家人放在心上，就算是完全陌生的人，他们也愿意伸出援手。无论是给你一袋食物，或者缝补破裤子，他们会这样做，很少抱怨。

可能你会好奇，但我必须说我不是中国人。

Theodore Young

No need to feel embarrassed. Next time, you can just get something, such as cooky, cake, or anything the girls may like, for the visiting friend to bring home.

The friend’s gift has nothing to do with your financial need, just good will.

没必要感到尴尬。下次你也可以给他们带点东西，比如饼干、蛋糕，或者女孩子们喜欢的任何东西，让来做客的朋友带回家。

朋友的礼物和你的经济需求无关，只是一种善意的表达。

Huijian Wu

In China, and East Asia in general, giving away food is a symbol of friendship and sharing, not a feeling of charity.

You should understand that she is trying to share the joy with your family.

The right thing to do is to accept them and then the next time your child goes to their home, take some sweets and other food with you and tell the person that it is a gift for them.

在中国和整个东亚地区，赠送食物是友谊和分享的象征，并非施舍。

你要知道她是想和你的家人分享快乐。

正确的做法是接受礼物，等下次你的孩子去她们家时，也带上点糖果和其他食物，并告诉对方这是给她们礼物。

I often visit friends and if it's family, I bring some fresh fruit. If the person is a partner, I'll bring some tea and things like that. If it's a family visit, I'll bring some fresh fish, meat and things like that.

I think it is important to understand each other's culture when dealing with different nationalities and races around the world.

Chinese culture likes to give gifts to each other.

我经常会拜访朋友，如果是家人，我会带点新鲜水果。如果那个人是我的搭档，我会带点茶叶之类的东西。如果是去亲戚家，我会带上一些新鲜的鱼、肉和类似的东西。

我认为在跟世界各地不同民族打交道时，了解彼此的文化是很重要的。

中国文化喜欢互赠礼物。

I would like to remind my Western friends here that when you visit a Chinese friend or Chinese client, the person will be delighted if you bring a small gift. The choice of gift is simple.

When you usually visit someone's home, you can bring a kilo or two of fruit, such as apples, watermelons or grapes, or bring some local specialities.

我想提醒我的西方朋友们，当你拜访中国朋友或中国客户时，如果带上一个小礼物，他们就会很高兴的。礼物的选择也很简单。

如果你去别人家做客，你可以带一两公斤的水果，比如苹果、西瓜或葡萄，或带一些当地的特产。

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